Equally important before I begin, yes there are a certain type of men target single mothers. Of course, I know it’s sad but it’s the truth but most likely it’s the insecure men that have low self-esteem. Now let me say this before everyone gets mad. You know I’m NOT speaking about all men because there are some good quality God fearing men in this world. Not all men are bad, I’m only speaking about a certain type that prey on single mothers.
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Insecure Men Target Single Mothers But A Certain Type Specially
Oh trust me I know it’s getting good but not surprising, but men target single mothers that are the boss independent women. In reality, they go after the women CEOs, Entrepreneurs, business owners, school superintendents, school principals. Life coaches, Bloggers, Authors, big influencers on social media, online business owners or any type of successful women.
As we all know these mothers are so goal oriented that in reality they don’t even need a man but they want one. Furthermore, these weak insecure men know that so they go after the single mothers that have everything they don’t have. Because their self-esteem is so low, they lack confidence, they don’t believe in themselves. Therefore, insecure men target single mothers to get ahead in life, take advantage of them and use them for what they have to offer them.
Even though it might sound disturbing to some of you, it’s the truth. Insecure men target single mothers because they feel they are more approachable than many other women. Additionally, it boosts their ego, self-esteem and makes them feel empowered. At the same time this single mother is beautiful on the inside and outside. Likewise, it makes insecure men look good, makes them feel important, wanted, and looks good to the outside world. So they want a trophy woman but not worthy enough for a trophy woman.
It’s Breaks My Heart Because Insecure Men Target Single Mothers
To put it another way, insecure men will use anyone or anything to get ahead in life. No matter who they leave or hurt, it’s all about them and no one else matters. Without a doubt, these insecure men were hurt in the past, bullied in school, rejected by multiple women, did not fit in anywhere, were not popular in school and no one wanted them around. So what happens is when they get older, meet other women, hurt them, take advantage of them because they are hurt. Hurt people hurt other people, they want others to feel the same hurt they feel.
For the purpose of me writing this is to inform other single mothers to be careful of who you date or be with. If it never happened to you before, you are blessed but women go through so many issues, especially black women. By the same token, it’s not your fault you fell in love with an insecure man that targets single mothers. We all go through trails in life, we all make mistakes, remember it is a learning experience for us all. Nevertheless, I’m not here to blame anyone but to help you get through the process so you can make better decisions with men in your life.
Stop Blaming Yourself, It’s Not Your Fault Men Target Single Mothers!
Simply, you tried love, you wanted love in return but you end up with a no good man with low self-esteem. Don’t feel bad at all, trust me I know you have all the degrees, the PHDs, Master’s degrees, Bachelor’s degrees or even more. Trust me, I know you’re wondering how you could have missed or ignored all the signs. On the other hand, you’re wondering why insecure men target single mothers? Not simply single mothers but you out of all the women.
Listen, it’s not something you did wrong, you can’t control other men or their motives. Despite everything you simply went through, now it’s time to start over and stop falling in love with his potential. Focus on the right now, what’s right in front of you, not what’s in the future or who the man could be.
Could It Happen To You?
As a single mother myself, I know how you feel because I have been through the same thing. After all, I’m here to inform you, so you won’t make the same mistakes I did. So here is my story: It all started out so nice and cute. He was so nice, charming, good looking and had an amazing body. To demonstrate, he was the man of my dreams at least that’s what I thought. What makes it so bad is that I stood him up on our first date. Simply because I felt like he didn’t like single mothers.
Which I was right, that’s one of the ways God speaks through me is through me feeling something isn’t right. Well I should’ve listened to the voice of the Holy Spirit, now I know because it will save and protect you. Overall, I felt so bad I stood him up, so a couple of days later, I reached out to him, told him I was sorry.
It Doesn’t Matter How Many Degrees You Have, It Can Happen to Anyone
Then he planned a date that Friday night, he told me what to wear and everything. Oh, I thought that was so cute, but that was the first sign of everything. That night was so special and romantic, he was really hurt and cried because I stood him up. The moment I looked in his eyes, all I seen was hurt and pain. As you know I was so wrong, the pain wasn’t from me standing him up, it was the pain hidden inside of him that he was holding on to.
From that time on, he would always tell me what to wear or how to dress on our dates. Afterwards, he slowly told me babe, I don’t like it when you don’t wear your real hair or I don’t like it when you get your nails done too long or a certain color. Admittedly, he would find something else for me to change into the woman he wanted. Babe, start wearing red lip stick, he would even tell me what kind of bras and panties to wear. Buy me lingerie he wanted me to wear for him. Sadly, it became that bad.
For example, he always wanted me to cook for him, wash his clothes: however, never offered to cook for me. Then he would complain if I didn’t clean his house if it was a mess, he would go completely off on me. Next, I found myself sharing my location with him everywhere I went without him asking me. And yet, it seems like nothing I did would ever make him happy or satisfied with me. By this time, I was a completely different person, no longer recognizing myself.
It Doesn’t Matter How Many Degrees You Have, It Can Happen to Anyone
Not to mention, the fact he wanted me to do everything for him. In the event that he knew I was a single mother, he wanted me to help him finish school, publish a book for him. Help him with getting certified in cyber security, start a t-shirt business, start a life coaching business for him.
Being that I’ve already accomplished these things by winning multiple awards, he never supported me in anything I did. Another key point, I’ve realized he didn’t want me to help him, he wanted me to do it for him. Then he would make comments that I would do everything for myself, and didn’t do anything to help him. More importantly, he didn’t have the same drive I have or felt like he could do it himself to be successful in life.
Particularly, whenever I said or didn’t agree with something. I wasn’t being submissive or my opinion didn’t matter. Immediately after, he would totally disrespect me, by saying no man wanted me or would marry me because I have a master’s degree. To make it worse, I’m a single mother, I’m past 30 and I’m a Boss Lady. Those words hurt, he tried to belittle me, do everything he could to bring me down.
Single Mothers It’s Not Worth Your Time or Energy
Considering this result I’ve realized I was in an emotionally, verbally abusive relationship. What makes it even worse is the fact that he was a police officer. With this in mind, I had no voice, no privacy, he went through my phone, through my social media accounts, blocked all communication from all my male friends. To him I was an easy target, I was a single mother, past age 30, I had no family around and I was alone.
In as much as the hurt I went through, I was fragile, I went back a second time. Which left me broken, devastated, heart broken, damaged, a mess, worse than I was the first time. This man had my mind messed up so bad, I was worried about how he was going to wash his clothes after we broke up.
Yeah! Of course, we all go through a stupid period in our lives! Life lesson learned for me was when I finally realized how insecure he really was. Now I’ve it wasn’t me, he was hurting, it was how felt about himself on the inside. That’s why he would talk down on me, say really hurtful things to me. Dude had mommy issues as well. Finally, I’ve realized his expectations of me were unrealistic because they didn’t exist.
From that point on, there was nothing I could do for him. No matter what I did, it was never good enough or it would never make him happy. Even though it was hard for me I had to let go, no matter how much I loved him. Hurting myself was no longer an option for me and it shouldn’t be an option for you as well.
Do Not Settle For Anything Less Than You Deserve
Who told you, you must settle because you are a single mother? Those are all lies, tricks of the enemy, God has someone special waiting for you. Although you are going through loneliest, feeling embarrassed or ashamed you still deserve God best. Jesus Christ loves you so much, He doesn’t want you to settle for anything less than you deserve.
Please do not settle or make the same mistakes I did with relationships. Wait on God’s best, Jesus has someone special prepared for you. Regardless of anything God has a husband for you, that would love you for you and not take advantage of the fact that you are a single mother. It’s okay if you are experience loneliest, you still do not have to settle for less than you desevers. Jesus Christ will fill that void of loneliest in your heart.
If you find yourself around insecure men targeting single mothers, reach out for help. Find a support group, let your family or friends in so they can protect and help you. Do not be like I was because I didn’t have any support, he blocked all communication from my only friends I did have. Still reach out for help, cherish the genuine friendships you do have, you never know who you might need in the end. Learn to grow, love yourself, forgive yourself and only allow safe people in your life.
I don’t think I’ve ever heard of this happening before. But after reading through the post, it does make sense men would pursue single mothers because there in a seemingly ‘vulnerable’ state. Good thing we now have to tools we need to keep it from happening to ourselves! Thanks so much for sharing!
Hello Whitney! Yes that is so true, now that we have all the resources to keep it from happening to others as well!!!
Great read. Thanks for sharing!
Hello Kirsten! Thank you for the positive comment!