Woman of God You are loved; stop looking for love in all the wrong places! How can you love someone when you don’t even love yourself? God is the only person you should be seeking after.
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Table of Contents:
Woman of God Dealing with The Spirit of Rejection
To be honest, I’m going to be honest and transparent here, this is one of the hardest post I ever had to write. For the fear of rejection because I’ve been dealing with rejection my whole life. In other words, all I knew was rejection, it was always apart of my life from the start of an early age. So of course I become accustomed to it as an adult.
Because of the loss of my mother at the young age of 8, while I was talking to her death took her away in front of my face. I never had love from a mother so I desperately searched for a motherly love. By the time I was 11, my grandmother died so I experienced so much trauma of death at a very young age. Yes my father was there but he never told me he loved me, never showed me any affection towards me or even gave me a hug. My father never told me about good men or bad men so I was very naïve when it came to men or boys.
Rejection Become Apart of Who I Was
By the time I was 14, I started high school but the girls were so mean to me because I went to an all black school. No one wanted to be my friend, I wasn’t the popular girl in school because I was light skinned with long black hair. In fact, I wasn’t even shaped like they were, I didn’t have the curvy body like the other girls, I was the skinny black girl.
To make it even worse is that the women in my family turned completely against me. They called me terrible names, they didn’t like me and I wasn’t like them. During that time, I had no one to turn to so I turned to ungodly things for love, attention or affection. Simply, all I ever wanted was someone to love me and accept me for who I truly was. At the time I was so young, I lost my virginity at a very young age while I was a teenager. Under those circumstance I became a mother at the young age of 19.
Woman of God Facing the Spirit of Rejection
Oh No! Now I am a disgrace to the family, I had a son outside of wedlock. Therefore, I am going to Hell and God is going to curse me. Those were the exact words that came out of my family mouths. Now I was living a life of shame and embarrassment. By all means necessary I was the black sheep of the family, I was never good enough or I will never fit into their perfect world.
Growing up in a black traditional Baptist religious church family, no one ever accepted me in my family or the Baptist church. According to them, I knew better but I decided to have a baby, I wasn’t married and God hated me so much. What makes it worse is that my son’s father abandoned us and married another girl, after I had our son. Not only did I have a baby when I wasn’t married but I’m also a young black single mother growing up in a small town in the suburbs of Mississippi.
Admittedly, by this time I became an overachiever, I put so much into my work. No matter what I did, it had to be perfect. Making mistakes wasn’t in my vocabulary, I always made A’s and B’s in school but it was never good enough. More precisely, I pushed myself even harder so I became the first person in my family to receive a bachelor’s degree in Early Childhood Education with a 3.5 GPA.
Becoming A Family Pleaser
It still wasn’t enough for them so I published 5 books, 2 prayer journals ,one became a bestseller so it wasn’t enough for my family. Next, I was featured in multiple magazines and I even landed on the cover of UBAWA Magazine, several radio interviews. Was once a Co-Host on the Digital Breeze radio show in Atlanta, Georgia. Then I won multiple Author awards and won Award-Winning Entrepreneur of the Year and had multiple speaking engagements. No one said “Christy I love you, I’m proud of you or you have my support.”
What’s even sadder is that I worked myself even harder even after all that, I pushed myself further into my work. So by this time I was working two full time jobs, getting my master’s degree while going through the Texas Teachers of Tomorrow program to get my certification to be a teacher in Texas. By the time I was done, I had completed my master’s degree in a year and a half with a 4.0 G.P.A in Special Education.
No Matter What I Did, I Was Never Good Enough
Then I finally moved to Houston, Texas, started my Christian Blog Glory Nation, become a Certified Spiritual & Life Purpose Coach. My family told me, I didn’t have a doctor’s degree, I didn’t marry a football player or basketball player while I was living in Atlanta. Specifically, they said I was still a single mother, I wasn’t married, I didn’t own a home and I didn’t have any more kids.
No matter what I was never good enough for them but let alone I am the only person in my family to ever have a master’s degree. As a fact of fact, I come from an uneducated family, no one in my family history has ever done the things that I’ve achieved in my short lifespan. Suddenly, I could never meet their expectations or I could never make them happy.
You Can Overcome Anything
Either way, they will never be happy for me or accept me for who I truly was on the inside or outside. By this time I had passed the age 30, so it was devastating for me. On the other hand, I was a lost little girl on the inside, all I knew was hurt, rejection, fear of abandonment and pain. Furthermore, I continue to search for love in all the wrong places so I end up in bad relationships after bad relationships. Every time I would fall in love with someone, I would end up getting hurt by another man.
Not to mention, I was in love with a man, but he left me for a man. Then I fell in love again to get hurt because he married another woman. Not me I wasn’t chosen or I wasn’t wifey material so my family said. Finally I ended up in another relationship but he left me. He said “No man will ever want me because I was a single mother, I have a master’s degree and I am past age 30.”
To tell you the truth, that break up was the best thing that ever happened to me! At the present time I was finally delivered from the spirit of rejection and I became the best version of myself at the age of 32.
God Will Make A Way Out of No Way
This is the purpose of telling my story is that reality hit me, no matter what I did or did not do, my family will never be happy for me or accept me for who I was. As a final point, I’ve realized that I have achieved so much more than my family ever dream or imagine. Everything I wanted to achieve in life, God made it possible, I’ve lived and visited places they’ve only dream of. No one has ever achieve as much success as I did while I’m still a single mother.
All things are possible through God because I’ve kept Him first in my life. Overall, what helped me was I knew my family could not take me where God was taking me. Throughout my whole life, they’ve always told me what God couldn’t do and I was living in a fairytale. There faith in God was not as strong as mine but I trusted Him through it all. When I didn’t have a job, my family thought I was crazy because I always told them that God will provide for me.
And that’s what He did, my family said I was raising my son up the wrong way and I was living a life of false hopes and dreams. No woman could raise a boy to be a man. As previously mentioned, they told me I would forever be a single mother and no man will ever want to marry me. Eventually, God delivered me from the spirit of fear so I will not be afraid of anything or anyone anymore. No longer did I live a life of shame, embarrassment or disgrace to the family. Now I live my life with loving and accepting myself who I am truly am on the inside and outside.
It all started with self love, repentance, redemption, forgiving myself, forgiving others who hurt me and loving myself daily. In God’s eyes “I am the Chosen One,” I’m the one that broke all the generations curses from my family.
Loving Yourself As God Loves You
Everything that I’ve worked so hard for was through the power of Jesus Christ. The love that I so desperately was searching for could only be found through Jesus Christ. Yes I thought I loved myself but I did not see or love myself the way that God does. After my last breakup I did some deep inner healing and soul searching within myself. Granting (that) I took the proper steps to get healed and delivered from past traumas and the spirit of rejection.
Focusing on Myself & Inner Healing
What I did is to focus on loving myself and seeing myself as the woman God created me to be, I didn’t do it alone. In the event that I started to invest in self love and self improvement. Overall, I didn’t care how much it cost or how much I had to spend. I was willing to put in the work to get the inner healing I needed the most. Of course I decided to join Feminine Woman Academy.
Then I read a book that changed my life You Can’t Force A Man To Value You: Becoming A High Value Woman. That was a major wake up call and turning point in my life. Trust me, I could not stop crying through the whole book. It was a major wake-up call for me.
That being the case, I also watched Apostle David E. Taylor – The Wife, The Warrior, The Wedding Conference online. Then I read his book Women of Destiny: Designed by Purpose, it was so amazing I was finally able to see myself as a woman of purpose and destiny.
No, I’m not married yet but I learned how to love myself and stop trying to get approval from people who mean no good to me. Now I am a woman that is after God’s heart and I do not need any validation from anyone else but God.
Woman of God, You Are Loved
You are loved! Why are you crying at night? Why are you feeling like you’re not pretty, good enough or no one will ever love you. Stop comparing yourself to other women, you are beautiful. It doesn’t matter what you have done in your past, God still loves you. He is waiting on you to come to Him and realize how beautiful you are.
Woman of God why settle with someone simply to say you have a man or husband? Do you even realize your worth is far more value or precious than rubies, diamonds or any other expensive jewels? That’s why you keep dating losers because you don’t value yourself or know your worth! Do not settle just because you’re tired of being alone. It’s okay because in your season of being single, spend time with God, find your true identity again and find your purpose in life. Stop dating ransoms guys and sleeping with strangers because your Adam will wake up in God’s timing not yours. God will not send your Adam if you are not ready, both persons have to be ready because God will not send your spouse if neither one of you are not ready.
If God sends him before time, it will ruin your marriage before you both ever had a chance to get married. Wait on God, seek God first and it will make your life so much better for God to send your Adam. Keep your eyes focus on Jesus Christ, seek God’s Kingdom and your Adam will come quicker than you ever imagine. Do not keep asking God where is your Adam, when you know it’s not time for you to get married or you’re no where near ready to receive your Adam. Click the link in to get your copy of my book “Woman of God Stop Looking For Love” to find the love you have always been searching for.
A Woman that is After God’s Heart
A woman that is after God’s heart is a woman covered by God. It doesn’t matter what the world thinks or says, you should be after God’s heart. You will never find true love until you learn to love yourself. All this time you were looking for someone to love you when God loved you all along.
I know sometimes it gets hard and you’re searching for that Godly husband. When you stop looking, that is when your husband will come, your husband should be sent by God. Woman of God wait on God’s timing because His timing is so much better than ours. He knows what’s best for us. Ester prepared herself a whole year before marrying her King. Woman of God prepare yourselves for your Kings, make sure you’re well groomed, fashionable dress, and smell good!
While You’re Waiting on Your Husband
In the meantime, while you’re waiting for your husband you need to keep your focus on God. He has so much more He wants to offer you. It’s a season of everything so in your season of singleness focus on your purpose for God and fulfill His purpose for your life. When Our Lord created us, He created all of us in His very own image so you should never settle for anyone.
No matter how lonely you may get, you should never settle. God paid the price for our bodies so treat your body like a temple. In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
In your time of singleness, keep your focus on God. Whenever I feel lonely I will spend hours with God, reading my bible, talking to Him, writing and telling Him how I feel. When I do that I am filled with so much joy and peace. That being the case, I notice I will be happier and I have more peace about it. To ensure that, trusting God’s timing and I know He knows what’s best for me. So much (so) that I don’t know about you but I want God’s best!